Communication & Problem Solving

This week, we talked about a very important aspect in any relationship: communication. As we all know, without communication, a relationship simply cannot function in a healthy way. And no, I don't mean that carrying on texting convos throughout the entire day or week is a healthy way to communicate. We're talking about that real FaceTime communication-- face to face. Real life. Yep, that good stuff.
In preparation for class on Tuesday, we were to watch a presentation given by John Gottman called "The Love Lab." In this video, Gottman interviews the O'Kelley family, a newlywed couple who have encountered difficulties in their finances. The husband had said that he did believe these arguments could've possibly led to divorce, and thus Dr. Gottman put their marriage under a "microscope," in an attempt to look for the secret for marital success.
 Long story short, the video brought something to my attention that was very interesting and easily identifiable. Towards the end of the video, the husband and wife are arguing (with more rage built up being shown on the inside versus the outside with an increased heart rate and holding-back looks). They are arguing about the inability for the other person to be able to recognize and hep fulfill their life-long dreams and ambitions. For the wife, this dream was to keep and raise her horse that she has grown to become deeply attached to. For the husband, his dream was to own a cabin and a boat and enjoy the luxuries that come with that. However, the problem arises in that they cannot seem to afford the other person's "dream" because of their own; However, their own dream is one that they simply don't want to abandon.

Digging deeper into the situation, the couple eventually realized that it was much more than just a dream: it's the emotions and feelings and history that person has with that dream/situation.
When looking into problem-solving, it's important to realize this. It's important to remember to take a step back when conflicts arise (and believe me- they SO will), and to take time to listen to the other person & hear why they think or act the way they do. Unless we do that, we're just going to fight fire with fire. It won't get us anywhere and quite frankly won't allow a stronger relationship to be  built.

Conflict and hard times come into our marriages and relationships, for the same reason they arise in our lives. To build us up, make us stronger and closer... if we allow them to! And the way in which we allow them to, is through healthy communication with this other person. Communication fosters growth & bonding within any time of relationship.
Try it out.
I triple-dog dare you :-)