Alright guys... so i have some news. I don't really know how to break it to ya, there's no really good way to do it. But i'll just say it: men and women are DIFFERENT! what?? how can that be?
Before I want to start this discussion though, I want to hopefully set the right tone as to the topic and what I'll be discussing today. The best way that I've ever been explained the sacredness of sexual intimacy before, was in a previous family course. My professor explained it to me this way:
You walk into a room, about to discuss the sacredness and importance of sexual intimacy in a marriage. Before you begin, you write the word, big and bold, on the board: "SEX". The group of students you're teaching begin to snicker, some giggle, some get flushed in the face, some shy away, some make smart alec comments.
Now the teacher starts: "What are the first words or thoughts that come to your mind when you see this word?" he asks.
Students raise their hands and reply, with comments like "naughty," "rude," "bad," and so on and so forth.
"Now," the professor says, "I want you to think about this. If we say that God created this gift and ability of sex, why would he create something 'naughty,' 'rude,' or 'bad'?"
The students sit silently, the wheels in their head seem to be spinning.
"In reality, it's Satan who uses his forces and power to distort this image of what sex really is. Sexual intimacy is a very beautiful, sacred experience between a husband and wife. Yet Satan uses something that was created to be so sacred and spiritual, to turn it into something of disgust; something naughty, rude, and bad, so that we feel ashamed to talk about it because he puts it into this distorted image of the naughtiness of the act. In reality, it's important to realize how truly sacred and special of a thing it really is between a husband and wife. It is the act of bringing forth children from God's hands, into the world. Now, does that sound bad, or something beautiful?"
Now, with that in mind, the act of sexual intimacy between a man and woman, bound within the bonds of marriage, really is something truly beautiful and sacred. It is a very spiritual experience to share with that person whom you're going to spend eternity with- an act that physically and emotionally binds you and your spouse together.
In class this week, we discussed the differences of men and women. They are indeed different. Hormones which aid in the excitement and thinking process of men and women act differently in one another. Men and women both have seratonin (the "warmth" hormone) and dopamine (the excitement, thrill hormone). However, only women have oxytocin, which is known as the bonding hormone. It often times becomes an issues during sexual intercourse and after, because women feel this bonding emotion whereas men feel it differently. Oftentimes, a woman needs to take time to talk and discuss what happened, whereas the man can easily move on and transition to other things. The woman often times, thus, feels unloved and can feel used. When in reality in the man's mind, that' just the way his brain functions. He loves his wife and feels he's being there for her, but not necessarily in the way she wants him to be.
Overall, the main point of class this week was to learn how important it was to open up marital intimacy gently and carefully. If you truly love your partner, you will do everything you can to make sure they aren't feeling pushed or used. If you truly love them, you will be willing to take it slow when necessary, and to make sure they feel comfortable. It's important to talk things through with them and see where their emotional state is at. In doing so, the bond between you two has the ability to grow in ways that it would never be able to before. When you take time to allow this emotion and love to take place between the two of you, you leave so much open room for your bond of marriage to grow. The union between you and your spouse will only grow deeper and stronger, as long as you allow it to.
In closing this blog post, I want to share a quote that one of the students in my class shared... (I don't know his name, so I'm sorry to whomever you are!!)
"Your spouse can only meet your needs some of the time, and you can only meet your spouse's needs some of the time. But, God can meet both of your needs, ALL the time. That's why his presence and influence in your marriage is so important."
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