Something interesting we discussed in class deals with marriage covenants. When you make a marriage a "covenant," it means that you bring a superior power into the marriage; the husband and wife are now individually accountable to that new superior power.
This legal covenant marriage is uniquely available in the law in 3 different states: Arizona, Arkansas, and Louisiana. It's an option- when you get married- to bind you and your new groom/bride into this covenant marriage with you and the law. With that covenant marriage, it states that there are 3 "A's" that are acceptable to file for divorce- anything different than these 3 must be worked out and is not an adequate argument to file for divorce. Those 3 include that of adultery, abuse, and alcoholism.
Today, marriage has become the ONLY contract (legally speaking- besides these optional covenant contracts) that is not binding.
Does anything disturb you about that?
Marriage is seen now a days as something that is not a shock to end- I've heard many men and women even refer to their first marriage as their "starter marriage." How startling is that? It's seen as a commitment to lead to another later commitment. One that they're not expecting to last for their entire lives.
This raises the question that, with this mindset, why are we so shocked when we realize divorce rates are increasing every year?
There are 4 stages to divorce:
1. emotional 2. legal 3. economic 4. co-parental
Divorce, as we know, leads to many broken families. In some cases, divorce is a legitimate last-resort, or is acceptable. However, going into your marriage with the mindset that it probably won't be your only- is troubling. How can you expect to have these deep, emotional bonds with someone and then be expecting and hoping for a better, easier, later marriage? No, marriage has to be worked for- and it's hard work. It's not supposed to be an easy fix to your problems, because God didn't want us to spend our lives comfortably, easily, slowly moving along. God's plan is to make us better people in this life so we can grow to become like him. Thus, the person we marry is supposed to push us to become that better person- and we them.
Thursday, December 10, 2015
Monday, December 7, 2015
Parenting
"Good parenting, while very challenging at times, offers great potential for happiness."
-Parenting | Responsibilities of Parents to Their Children, lds.org
When we hear the word "Parents," what comes to your mind?
You probably thought of that time as a kid, whether by yourself or with your siblings, hearing your mom's voice yelling at you as you throw the oranges you just knocked off of the orange tree at the side of your house.
Or maybe you thought of the shopping and ice-cream runs your mommy and/or daddy took you on after school.
Or possibly the time your parent(s) pulled up to the curb on your first day of high school, asking if you remembered your lunch bag and reminding you how much they love you.
Or, was it the time you broke up with that girlfriend or boyfriend, coming home in tears, only to find your parents sitting there, waiting to embrace you and remind you of your love and worth?
Whatever it may be- I have found that the older you get, the more and more you value your experiences you've had with your parents. Whether it was a hard time I had to go through next to them, or by myself, I realized that they'd always be there for me.
The reason we have so much respect and love for our parents, is because of the many hard times and obstacles we've had to overcome. It is through these hard times that we truly realized their love for us- and also realized that this love was infinite and unconditional. It's the type of love and comfort that I can only explain, by saying it never goes to sleep, is never based on conditions, and is never, ever failing. I have felt my parents' love for me for almost 20 years now.
It's the type of love that I can count on, when I call my mom at midnight, 900 miles away, even though I know she wants to be asleep. I can call her when I get home from my date and tell her how fun and exciting it was- and she is excited with me, even though her voice is groggy and tired. Even more, it's the type of love that I feel when I can call her or my dad late at night, after a bad date, or when I'm in tears for just having my heart broken. Their unfailing, unconditional love and care for me is felt over the phone. The personal experiences I have had with my mom and dad make them so respectable and loved deeply by me, because they teach me what life truly is about. The lessons they have taught me- about how to work hard, love and enjoy life, and be a better person for myself and everyone around me- are the reason that my life is the way it is. They are the ones who have guided me through the good and bad, teaching me how to make the best out of life.
So, parents... even if we may think they are "unfair" and "mean" for not letting us drive their car to our friends house, or having a sleep over... the older you get, I think the more you value their relationship. It truly is a friendship that never ceases or fails you- it is one that is there during the rain, sunshine, or wind. One that is unconditional, unfailing, and ever lasting. One, that is simply priceless, and one that I will cherish forever.
-Parenting | Responsibilities of Parents to Their Children, lds.org
When we hear the word "Parents," what comes to your mind?
You probably thought of that time as a kid, whether by yourself or with your siblings, hearing your mom's voice yelling at you as you throw the oranges you just knocked off of the orange tree at the side of your house.
Or maybe you thought of the shopping and ice-cream runs your mommy and/or daddy took you on after school.
Or possibly the time your parent(s) pulled up to the curb on your first day of high school, asking if you remembered your lunch bag and reminding you how much they love you.
Or, was it the time you broke up with that girlfriend or boyfriend, coming home in tears, only to find your parents sitting there, waiting to embrace you and remind you of your love and worth?
Whatever it may be- I have found that the older you get, the more and more you value your experiences you've had with your parents. Whether it was a hard time I had to go through next to them, or by myself, I realized that they'd always be there for me.
The reason we have so much respect and love for our parents, is because of the many hard times and obstacles we've had to overcome. It is through these hard times that we truly realized their love for us- and also realized that this love was infinite and unconditional. It's the type of love and comfort that I can only explain, by saying it never goes to sleep, is never based on conditions, and is never, ever failing. I have felt my parents' love for me for almost 20 years now.
It's the type of love that I can count on, when I call my mom at midnight, 900 miles away, even though I know she wants to be asleep. I can call her when I get home from my date and tell her how fun and exciting it was- and she is excited with me, even though her voice is groggy and tired. Even more, it's the type of love that I feel when I can call her or my dad late at night, after a bad date, or when I'm in tears for just having my heart broken. Their unfailing, unconditional love and care for me is felt over the phone. The personal experiences I have had with my mom and dad make them so respectable and loved deeply by me, because they teach me what life truly is about. The lessons they have taught me- about how to work hard, love and enjoy life, and be a better person for myself and everyone around me- are the reason that my life is the way it is. They are the ones who have guided me through the good and bad, teaching me how to make the best out of life.
So, parents... even if we may think they are "unfair" and "mean" for not letting us drive their car to our friends house, or having a sleep over... the older you get, I think the more you value their relationship. It truly is a friendship that never ceases or fails you- it is one that is there during the rain, sunshine, or wind. One that is unconditional, unfailing, and ever lasting. One, that is simply priceless, and one that I will cherish forever.
Monday, November 23, 2015
Father Involvement
SO... this week (due to Thanksgiving) I actually am not able to make it to the class discussion we do have on Tuesday. Because of that, I did my own research on the class topic, and the main topic- out of all of the points we were to study- that I found most interesting and intriguing was the one on Father Involvement in the family.
Often times, I personally think that we take advantage of our fathers and the benefits that come with having a dad present in the home. If this is not your personal case, and you have either never met your father before, or maybe he's just not an actively involved participant in your home, then I know you have different experiences and a relationship with your father than I have with mine.
Now, I am definitely a daddy's girl. Growing up, my mom actually got really frustrated with me probably, because I never wanted to do "girly" things with her like get our nails done all the time, or go shopping. Instead, I much rather preferred to go to work with my dad and hang out with him. Looking back, I regret not showing my love and appreciation to her by not allowing her to take me on fun activities or shopping trips. But, I also realize how important a father's influence is on his family and entire home.
First off, when we think of the job of "dad", what do we usually think of first? Most of you probably said that his "job" is to do just that... work a job that can support his family. Father's do benefit the family in many ways- one familiar one is to work and be the main source of income for the family's finances. He is to provide a home for the family to grow up securely in, as well as the food to place on the table at the end of the day. Financial situations are very trick, and often bad financial situations they are the source for many divorces and falling apart of family, because it is expected- generally speaking- that the dad fulfills his job and responsibility of being the one to provide his family with the necessities that they need to sustain a life.
However, besides the obvious benefit that a father brings into a home for financial reasons, there are many other benefits that I found while researching for a "Father Involvement" paper we had to write for class. While researching, I came across a very well-written scholarly article from the University of Florida.( It can be found on cfuf.org/Filestream.aspx?FilelD=14 if you'd like to take a look for yourself :) )
There were many points given in the article that have been found through extensive research done on the family, but there were a few that particularly stood out to me that I want to share:
1. A father's interaction with their baby led to a reduced risk for that infant's cognitive delay later on in life
2.When a father is positively involved in their child's life, it led to less behavioral problems in boys & better emotional health for girls
3. Both men and women who remember having involved dad's grew up with better self-esteem and confidence
4. Children who grew up with actively involved fathers wanted to implement those actively-involved qualities into their own future families
5. Active father involvement actually directly benefited the father as well-- they were found to be better able to cope with stressful times and decisions than were non-involved fathers.
The research is clear: There are many benefits that come with having an actively-involved father in the home. There is not only benefits for the children and mothers around that actively- involved father/husband; yet, there are many ways in which the father is directly benefited as well by his actions of being actively involved in his child's and wife's lives.
Often times, I personally think that we take advantage of our fathers and the benefits that come with having a dad present in the home. If this is not your personal case, and you have either never met your father before, or maybe he's just not an actively involved participant in your home, then I know you have different experiences and a relationship with your father than I have with mine.
Now, I am definitely a daddy's girl. Growing up, my mom actually got really frustrated with me probably, because I never wanted to do "girly" things with her like get our nails done all the time, or go shopping. Instead, I much rather preferred to go to work with my dad and hang out with him. Looking back, I regret not showing my love and appreciation to her by not allowing her to take me on fun activities or shopping trips. But, I also realize how important a father's influence is on his family and entire home.
First off, when we think of the job of "dad", what do we usually think of first? Most of you probably said that his "job" is to do just that... work a job that can support his family. Father's do benefit the family in many ways- one familiar one is to work and be the main source of income for the family's finances. He is to provide a home for the family to grow up securely in, as well as the food to place on the table at the end of the day. Financial situations are very trick, and often bad financial situations they are the source for many divorces and falling apart of family, because it is expected- generally speaking- that the dad fulfills his job and responsibility of being the one to provide his family with the necessities that they need to sustain a life.
However, besides the obvious benefit that a father brings into a home for financial reasons, there are many other benefits that I found while researching for a "Father Involvement" paper we had to write for class. While researching, I came across a very well-written scholarly article from the University of Florida.( It can be found on cfuf.org/Filestream.aspx?FilelD=14 if you'd like to take a look for yourself :) )
There were many points given in the article that have been found through extensive research done on the family, but there were a few that particularly stood out to me that I want to share:
1. A father's interaction with their baby led to a reduced risk for that infant's cognitive delay later on in life
2.When a father is positively involved in their child's life, it led to less behavioral problems in boys & better emotional health for girls
3. Both men and women who remember having involved dad's grew up with better self-esteem and confidence
4. Children who grew up with actively involved fathers wanted to implement those actively-involved qualities into their own future families
5. Active father involvement actually directly benefited the father as well-- they were found to be better able to cope with stressful times and decisions than were non-involved fathers.
The research is clear: There are many benefits that come with having an actively-involved father in the home. There is not only benefits for the children and mothers around that actively- involved father/husband; yet, there are many ways in which the father is directly benefited as well by his actions of being actively involved in his child's and wife's lives.
Thursday, November 19, 2015
Communication & Problem Solving
This week, we talked about a very important aspect in any relationship: communication. As we all know, without communication, a relationship simply cannot function in a healthy way. And no, I don't mean that carrying on texting convos throughout the entire day or week is a healthy way to communicate. We're talking about that real FaceTime communication-- face to face. Real life. Yep, that good stuff.
In preparation for class on Tuesday, we were to watch a presentation given by John Gottman called "The Love Lab." In this video, Gottman interviews the O'Kelley family, a newlywed couple who have encountered difficulties in their finances. The husband had said that he did believe these arguments could've possibly led to divorce, and thus Dr. Gottman put their marriage under a "microscope," in an attempt to look for the secret for marital success.
Long story short, the video brought something to my attention that was very interesting and easily identifiable. Towards the end of the video, the husband and wife are arguing (with more rage built up being shown on the inside versus the outside with an increased heart rate and holding-back looks). They are arguing about the inability for the other person to be able to recognize and hep fulfill their life-long dreams and ambitions. For the wife, this dream was to keep and raise her horse that she has grown to become deeply attached to. For the husband, his dream was to own a cabin and a boat and enjoy the luxuries that come with that. However, the problem arises in that they cannot seem to afford the other person's "dream" because of their own; However, their own dream is one that they simply don't want to abandon.
Digging deeper into the situation, the couple eventually realized that it was much more than just a dream: it's the emotions and feelings and history that person has with that dream/situation.
When looking into problem-solving, it's important to realize this. It's important to remember to take a step back when conflicts arise (and believe me- they SO will), and to take time to listen to the other person & hear why they think or act the way they do. Unless we do that, we're just going to fight fire with fire. It won't get us anywhere and quite frankly won't allow a stronger relationship to be built.
Conflict and hard times come into our marriages and relationships, for the same reason they arise in our lives. To build us up, make us stronger and closer... if we allow them to! And the way in which we allow them to, is through healthy communication with this other person. Communication fosters growth & bonding within any time of relationship.
Try it out.
I triple-dog dare you :-)
Monday, November 16, 2015
Why do Bad Things Happen to Good People?
No matter how hard we may try to avoid it... the fact is that life is life. Oftentimes, we are faced with difficulties in life: deaths, hardships within families or friends, feelings of inadequacy overcome us, and the loss of a job... to name just a few. So, when I've been doing all the good I know to do- and am working hard to stay happy and be a good person- why, then, do bad things still happen in my life?
To put a spin on this of the way we believe to be true in the LDS church, I have a firm testimony of the refining opportunities the Lord gives each of us during these hard times. It is in the breaking down, and bringing us out of our comfort zone that we find we draw closer to him. When he makes us be humble, we meekly draw to him for help and guidance, because it's in these moments when we know we can't go through this life on our own.
In the concept of families, it almost works in the same manner. Families, believe it or not, actually grow stronger when they are faced with difficulties- IF they choose to do this. When faced with trials and very difficult things in life, it's easiest to blame and to get angry. Whether that anger and hatred be directed at someone close to you, God, or at your "life" in general, it's not the path we should take.
In Chinese, the symbol for "CRISES" actually means two things: "Danger" and "Opportunity".
These different meanings sum up exactly what I believe a family crises, or life crises in general, are meant to be. They are meant to scare us and to break us down, so that we do become more humble and submissive to those around us. When we let this take place, we're opening the doors of opportunity for grown and bonding within not only ourselves, but those people closest to us.
Whenever you stay by a friend's side through a hard time, that tie and bond grows stronger, right?
That's the same way that it is with families and with God- they are ALWAYS there for you, and thus it's important to use the opportunities given through hard times and trials to grow stronger and closer.
Sometimes, when we take a step back and humbly look at the trial, we realize that they really aren't such bad things happening to us. Rather, look at them as the marvelous opportunity to grow and become stronger. Fight to get through it, and fight together to stay together- because that is where the most unity and bonding can take place: together.
To put a spin on this of the way we believe to be true in the LDS church, I have a firm testimony of the refining opportunities the Lord gives each of us during these hard times. It is in the breaking down, and bringing us out of our comfort zone that we find we draw closer to him. When he makes us be humble, we meekly draw to him for help and guidance, because it's in these moments when we know we can't go through this life on our own.
In the concept of families, it almost works in the same manner. Families, believe it or not, actually grow stronger when they are faced with difficulties- IF they choose to do this. When faced with trials and very difficult things in life, it's easiest to blame and to get angry. Whether that anger and hatred be directed at someone close to you, God, or at your "life" in general, it's not the path we should take.
In Chinese, the symbol for "CRISES" actually means two things: "Danger" and "Opportunity".
These different meanings sum up exactly what I believe a family crises, or life crises in general, are meant to be. They are meant to scare us and to break us down, so that we do become more humble and submissive to those around us. When we let this take place, we're opening the doors of opportunity for grown and bonding within not only ourselves, but those people closest to us.
Whenever you stay by a friend's side through a hard time, that tie and bond grows stronger, right?
That's the same way that it is with families and with God- they are ALWAYS there for you, and thus it's important to use the opportunities given through hard times and trials to grow stronger and closer.
Sometimes, when we take a step back and humbly look at the trial, we realize that they really aren't such bad things happening to us. Rather, look at them as the marvelous opportunity to grow and become stronger. Fight to get through it, and fight together to stay together- because that is where the most unity and bonding can take place: together.
Thursday, November 12, 2015
Monday, November 9, 2015
Sexual Intimacy & Family Life
Alright guys... so i have some news. I don't really know how to break it to ya, there's no really good way to do it. But i'll just say it: men and women are DIFFERENT! what?? how can that be?
Before I want to start this discussion though, I want to hopefully set the right tone as to the topic and what I'll be discussing today. The best way that I've ever been explained the sacredness of sexual intimacy before, was in a previous family course. My professor explained it to me this way:
You walk into a room, about to discuss the sacredness and importance of sexual intimacy in a marriage. Before you begin, you write the word, big and bold, on the board: "SEX". The group of students you're teaching begin to snicker, some giggle, some get flushed in the face, some shy away, some make smart alec comments.
Now the teacher starts: "What are the first words or thoughts that come to your mind when you see this word?" he asks.
Students raise their hands and reply, with comments like "naughty," "rude," "bad," and so on and so forth.
"Now," the professor says, "I want you to think about this. If we say that God created this gift and ability of sex, why would he create something 'naughty,' 'rude,' or 'bad'?"
The students sit silently, the wheels in their head seem to be spinning.
"In reality, it's Satan who uses his forces and power to distort this image of what sex really is. Sexual intimacy is a very beautiful, sacred experience between a husband and wife. Yet Satan uses something that was created to be so sacred and spiritual, to turn it into something of disgust; something naughty, rude, and bad, so that we feel ashamed to talk about it because he puts it into this distorted image of the naughtiness of the act. In reality, it's important to realize how truly sacred and special of a thing it really is between a husband and wife. It is the act of bringing forth children from God's hands, into the world. Now, does that sound bad, or something beautiful?"
Now, with that in mind, the act of sexual intimacy between a man and woman, bound within the bonds of marriage, really is something truly beautiful and sacred. It is a very spiritual experience to share with that person whom you're going to spend eternity with- an act that physically and emotionally binds you and your spouse together.
In class this week, we discussed the differences of men and women. They are indeed different. Hormones which aid in the excitement and thinking process of men and women act differently in one another. Men and women both have seratonin (the "warmth" hormone) and dopamine (the excitement, thrill hormone). However, only women have oxytocin, which is known as the bonding hormone. It often times becomes an issues during sexual intercourse and after, because women feel this bonding emotion whereas men feel it differently. Oftentimes, a woman needs to take time to talk and discuss what happened, whereas the man can easily move on and transition to other things. The woman often times, thus, feels unloved and can feel used. When in reality in the man's mind, that' just the way his brain functions. He loves his wife and feels he's being there for her, but not necessarily in the way she wants him to be.
Overall, the main point of class this week was to learn how important it was to open up marital intimacy gently and carefully. If you truly love your partner, you will do everything you can to make sure they aren't feeling pushed or used. If you truly love them, you will be willing to take it slow when necessary, and to make sure they feel comfortable. It's important to talk things through with them and see where their emotional state is at. In doing so, the bond between you two has the ability to grow in ways that it would never be able to before. When you take time to allow this emotion and love to take place between the two of you, you leave so much open room for your bond of marriage to grow. The union between you and your spouse will only grow deeper and stronger, as long as you allow it to.
In closing this blog post, I want to share a quote that one of the students in my class shared... (I don't know his name, so I'm sorry to whomever you are!!)
"Your spouse can only meet your needs some of the time, and you can only meet your spouse's needs some of the time. But, God can meet both of your needs, ALL the time. That's why his presence and influence in your marriage is so important."
Before I want to start this discussion though, I want to hopefully set the right tone as to the topic and what I'll be discussing today. The best way that I've ever been explained the sacredness of sexual intimacy before, was in a previous family course. My professor explained it to me this way:
You walk into a room, about to discuss the sacredness and importance of sexual intimacy in a marriage. Before you begin, you write the word, big and bold, on the board: "SEX". The group of students you're teaching begin to snicker, some giggle, some get flushed in the face, some shy away, some make smart alec comments.
Now the teacher starts: "What are the first words or thoughts that come to your mind when you see this word?" he asks.
Students raise their hands and reply, with comments like "naughty," "rude," "bad," and so on and so forth.
"Now," the professor says, "I want you to think about this. If we say that God created this gift and ability of sex, why would he create something 'naughty,' 'rude,' or 'bad'?"
The students sit silently, the wheels in their head seem to be spinning.
"In reality, it's Satan who uses his forces and power to distort this image of what sex really is. Sexual intimacy is a very beautiful, sacred experience between a husband and wife. Yet Satan uses something that was created to be so sacred and spiritual, to turn it into something of disgust; something naughty, rude, and bad, so that we feel ashamed to talk about it because he puts it into this distorted image of the naughtiness of the act. In reality, it's important to realize how truly sacred and special of a thing it really is between a husband and wife. It is the act of bringing forth children from God's hands, into the world. Now, does that sound bad, or something beautiful?"
Now, with that in mind, the act of sexual intimacy between a man and woman, bound within the bonds of marriage, really is something truly beautiful and sacred. It is a very spiritual experience to share with that person whom you're going to spend eternity with- an act that physically and emotionally binds you and your spouse together.
In class this week, we discussed the differences of men and women. They are indeed different. Hormones which aid in the excitement and thinking process of men and women act differently in one another. Men and women both have seratonin (the "warmth" hormone) and dopamine (the excitement, thrill hormone). However, only women have oxytocin, which is known as the bonding hormone. It often times becomes an issues during sexual intercourse and after, because women feel this bonding emotion whereas men feel it differently. Oftentimes, a woman needs to take time to talk and discuss what happened, whereas the man can easily move on and transition to other things. The woman often times, thus, feels unloved and can feel used. When in reality in the man's mind, that' just the way his brain functions. He loves his wife and feels he's being there for her, but not necessarily in the way she wants him to be.
Overall, the main point of class this week was to learn how important it was to open up marital intimacy gently and carefully. If you truly love your partner, you will do everything you can to make sure they aren't feeling pushed or used. If you truly love them, you will be willing to take it slow when necessary, and to make sure they feel comfortable. It's important to talk things through with them and see where their emotional state is at. In doing so, the bond between you two has the ability to grow in ways that it would never be able to before. When you take time to allow this emotion and love to take place between the two of you, you leave so much open room for your bond of marriage to grow. The union between you and your spouse will only grow deeper and stronger, as long as you allow it to.
In closing this blog post, I want to share a quote that one of the students in my class shared... (I don't know his name, so I'm sorry to whomever you are!!)
"Your spouse can only meet your needs some of the time, and you can only meet your spouse's needs some of the time. But, God can meet both of your needs, ALL the time. That's why his presence and influence in your marriage is so important."
Monday, November 2, 2015
Marriage: Are You Ever Ready?
Are you ever really ready for marriage? If so, how do you know when?
Youth today are not being raised as much in preparation for marriage as they used to be in times past. There are too many other factors to worry about- mainly those including education and jobs. Parents want their children today to be able to sustain their own, successful job- by going to school and getting a good education- because times simply are a lot harder. It's harder to buy a house, and it's much harder to sustain a family-- that's saying if your marriage even works out!
The fact is, times are just more difficult. The job market constantly becomes more and more competitive, schools are becoming more expensive and thus it's harder to get a quality education for the typical (poor) college-aged adult.
So with all of these odds against us... why even marry, right?
Within the first month of marriage, couples will see many new challenges and issues already surface. Such things we discussed in class, included: Who's family will we spend more time with? How do we adjust our finances to include sustain the both of us? When will we want to bring children into our family?
Studies show that the romantic trend between a couple skyrockets after they are married. Once they then have their first child, it actually declines, and then it levels out meeting in the middle for basically the majority of the relationship.
There are many factors that thus effect the relationship, all influencing a positive or negative trend- even both surfacing at different times.
I personally believe that you're never really ready for marriage. All of these facts put the odds against us- how are we expected to create and sustain a stable relationship in a world like this? In a world where morals are failing, and divorce and cohabitation are becoming more and more common?
Our marriage is never going to be perfect- and I believe that in order to have a marriage, you have to realize that. My all time favorite quote from this past LDS general conference, was by Elder Robert D. Hales. He said, "We marry POTENTIAL, not PERFECTION."
So many young adults today are feeling pressured into having the perfect relationship with that perfect person. The reality is... we're all human! None of us are perfect.
Despite the many odds against us, we can all make marriage work, and we should. We have the capacity to work hard towards any relationship, and make it work if we really want it to. There are going to be many hard times ahead that will come into our marriages- we simply can't just hunker down and avoid them. They're apart of life. But that's what makes a relationship interesting and fun- you're committing yourself to one person, showing your companionship throughout life's challenges. You both are willing to stick by each other's side and help each other along the entire way.
Besides, life is more fun when you have someone to enjoy it with, right? And when you can develop such an intimate relationship with one person, how much more fun is that?
Youth today are not being raised as much in preparation for marriage as they used to be in times past. There are too many other factors to worry about- mainly those including education and jobs. Parents want their children today to be able to sustain their own, successful job- by going to school and getting a good education- because times simply are a lot harder. It's harder to buy a house, and it's much harder to sustain a family-- that's saying if your marriage even works out!
The fact is, times are just more difficult. The job market constantly becomes more and more competitive, schools are becoming more expensive and thus it's harder to get a quality education for the typical (poor) college-aged adult.
So with all of these odds against us... why even marry, right?
Within the first month of marriage, couples will see many new challenges and issues already surface. Such things we discussed in class, included: Who's family will we spend more time with? How do we adjust our finances to include sustain the both of us? When will we want to bring children into our family?
Studies show that the romantic trend between a couple skyrockets after they are married. Once they then have their first child, it actually declines, and then it levels out meeting in the middle for basically the majority of the relationship.
There are many factors that thus effect the relationship, all influencing a positive or negative trend- even both surfacing at different times.
I personally believe that you're never really ready for marriage. All of these facts put the odds against us- how are we expected to create and sustain a stable relationship in a world like this? In a world where morals are failing, and divorce and cohabitation are becoming more and more common?
Our marriage is never going to be perfect- and I believe that in order to have a marriage, you have to realize that. My all time favorite quote from this past LDS general conference, was by Elder Robert D. Hales. He said, "We marry POTENTIAL, not PERFECTION."
So many young adults today are feeling pressured into having the perfect relationship with that perfect person. The reality is... we're all human! None of us are perfect.
Despite the many odds against us, we can all make marriage work, and we should. We have the capacity to work hard towards any relationship, and make it work if we really want it to. There are going to be many hard times ahead that will come into our marriages- we simply can't just hunker down and avoid them. They're apart of life. But that's what makes a relationship interesting and fun- you're committing yourself to one person, showing your companionship throughout life's challenges. You both are willing to stick by each other's side and help each other along the entire way.
Besides, life is more fun when you have someone to enjoy it with, right? And when you can develop such an intimate relationship with one person, how much more fun is that?
Saturday, October 24, 2015
What is Love?
LOVE. That 4 letter word... cherished by many, despised by others. So, what is it? Why is it that saying that word can bring up so many different emotions inside each of us?
LOVE. Let me tell you a little bit about love. Is it those butterflies you get when you see that hottie walk through the door of your class? Is it that tingly sensations that surges through your whole body when that hottie holds your hand?
I, personally, do not believe that's love. Hear me out... or a better way to say that is I don't personally believe that's real love yet. Those are steps that can lead to love. My proposition is that LOVE comes from a lot of things a person does and ways you act with each other that you like. I'm still a hopeless romantic, don't get me wrong. But I don't believe that you can fall in love with a person at "first sight." Rather, I'd like to phrase that initial falling as "falling in liking with them..." ya feel?
The point I'm getting at, is that true love, the deep real stuff we see in our parents and older married couples we know, has grown and been nourished for a long time. That love is the real love that we all strive for. It's the love that's portrayed as something that can just happen within two characters over the span of a 2 hour movie, however in reality it's much much more than that. True love is made up of a lot of different components: mutual respect, responsibility for one another, deep care, and care for the other's well-being to name a few.
This kind of "love" we're talking about is one that is not changed within the course of a few hours, whether over a fight, distance, etc. No, this love is enduring, deep connection that's been built between two people because of the things they've faced and took on together.
After all, which love would you consider most valuable? One in which you find the other person very attractive, feel good when they hold your hand and kiss you, and yep that's pretty much it... or rather, would it be the type of love that you feel comfortable, respected, and deeply cared about? (And at that level, you'd still get the lovely hand holding and goodnight kisses from each other)... So, which one's the winner?
I feel that LOVE is often such an overused term in our society. Don't get me wrong... I'm not saying that it's not important to love those around us & find reason to care for them and love them. But, I am saying that particularly in relationships, premature love is too often mistake for mature love, and finding someone simply attractive is way too often the only thing keeping a relationship together.
That's not how it should be! At all!
Love comes from a deep sense of self respect, respect for your significant other, and honestly just time. Love takes time! It takes time to get to dig into their past and lives (without over bearing them on the first date... because trust me I've had that. And yeah, that ain't love). It takes time to really begin to understand the person and get to know them: Their different quirks, personality, way they laugh, things they find funny or embarrassing, the whole shebang really. LOVE takes TIME.
Once you do have that solid basis of a friendship first, too, that's when true love can grow. You don't need to base a relationship solely off of the physical stuff, because that will wear out a relationship like no other. People grow, our bodies change, and reality hits. You need to have a solid relationship with a person whom you can go through your day-to-day crazy activities with, and then sit down with each other and just be able to talk like best friends. Someone whom you can share your deepest desires, concerns, worries, and goals... because you know that they'll listen to you and get you. They'll understand you completely, and you'll understand them completely.
Love takes time. It takes complete commitment and fidelity to one another. It takes mutual respect and care. It takes deep concern for the well-being of the other person. That, to me, is what true love is... and nothing can ever compare to the greatness and happiness it can bring you and your significant other.
LOVE. Let me tell you a little bit about love. Is it those butterflies you get when you see that hottie walk through the door of your class? Is it that tingly sensations that surges through your whole body when that hottie holds your hand?
I, personally, do not believe that's love. Hear me out... or a better way to say that is I don't personally believe that's real love yet. Those are steps that can lead to love. My proposition is that LOVE comes from a lot of things a person does and ways you act with each other that you like. I'm still a hopeless romantic, don't get me wrong. But I don't believe that you can fall in love with a person at "first sight." Rather, I'd like to phrase that initial falling as "falling in liking with them..." ya feel?
The point I'm getting at, is that true love, the deep real stuff we see in our parents and older married couples we know, has grown and been nourished for a long time. That love is the real love that we all strive for. It's the love that's portrayed as something that can just happen within two characters over the span of a 2 hour movie, however in reality it's much much more than that. True love is made up of a lot of different components: mutual respect, responsibility for one another, deep care, and care for the other's well-being to name a few.
This kind of "love" we're talking about is one that is not changed within the course of a few hours, whether over a fight, distance, etc. No, this love is enduring, deep connection that's been built between two people because of the things they've faced and took on together.
After all, which love would you consider most valuable? One in which you find the other person very attractive, feel good when they hold your hand and kiss you, and yep that's pretty much it... or rather, would it be the type of love that you feel comfortable, respected, and deeply cared about? (And at that level, you'd still get the lovely hand holding and goodnight kisses from each other)... So, which one's the winner?
I feel that LOVE is often such an overused term in our society. Don't get me wrong... I'm not saying that it's not important to love those around us & find reason to care for them and love them. But, I am saying that particularly in relationships, premature love is too often mistake for mature love, and finding someone simply attractive is way too often the only thing keeping a relationship together.
That's not how it should be! At all!
Love comes from a deep sense of self respect, respect for your significant other, and honestly just time. Love takes time! It takes time to get to dig into their past and lives (without over bearing them on the first date... because trust me I've had that. And yeah, that ain't love). It takes time to really begin to understand the person and get to know them: Their different quirks, personality, way they laugh, things they find funny or embarrassing, the whole shebang really. LOVE takes TIME.
Once you do have that solid basis of a friendship first, too, that's when true love can grow. You don't need to base a relationship solely off of the physical stuff, because that will wear out a relationship like no other. People grow, our bodies change, and reality hits. You need to have a solid relationship with a person whom you can go through your day-to-day crazy activities with, and then sit down with each other and just be able to talk like best friends. Someone whom you can share your deepest desires, concerns, worries, and goals... because you know that they'll listen to you and get you. They'll understand you completely, and you'll understand them completely.
Love takes time. It takes complete commitment and fidelity to one another. It takes mutual respect and care. It takes deep concern for the well-being of the other person. That, to me, is what true love is... and nothing can ever compare to the greatness and happiness it can bring you and your significant other.
Saturday, October 17, 2015
Born That Way?
We've seen the growing trend of trying to change the gender roles we're given greatly increase in society today. In class this past week, we viewed a film about gender roles, including feminist's views on those roles. It was very intriguing, as well as almost quite aggravating to listen to women blurt out their opinions about how they don't feel they're being treated "fair" and "equal" as men today because they want to do the exact same things men are "allowed" to do. Now, I try not to be a rude person because I hate conflict. I avoid it at all costs, but I also do believe in the importance of being upfront and stating your opinion, because we're all entitled to our own opinions am I right? So... here's mine.
Many people struggle with same-sex attraction, it is a difficult thing many of us have to deal with. I greatly admire and applaud those who come out with these views in an attempt to discuss them and wish to overcome them. It is a very difficult matter that I personally cannot judge, and believe no one truly can except for our almighty God. It's a matter that is very touchy and sensitive, and thus I do not wish to go into parts of it too deeply, because that's not what I'm here for. I want to talk, however, about the importance in each of us having the divine, unique role which we were assigned before we came to this Earth. That role was whether we would individually take on the responsibility God gives us to be a man or a woman; son or daughter; father or mother in not only this life but into the eternities.
We are not assigned genders as a "mistake" or just a "coincidence."
I cannot even bear that belief just by seeing the light in a baby's eyes from the moment they are born. Each child has a unique sense of worth and individuality to each of them, there is no possible way that they aren't given that specific gender for many specific purposes. It just doesn't happen that way. Why? Because we are not accidents. We have been created for divine roles and responsibilities in this life, and have agreed to those roles and responsibilities before we came to Earth and took on bodies to go through mortality. We are spirit sons and daughters, divinely appointed by God. We are no "coincidences" or mistakes. Therefore, we cannot choose when we feel like being a man or a woman, because that decision is not ours. Rather, it is our decision to choose how well we will live up to our callings and plans God has specifically crafted for our lives! Why has he done this? Because he loves us, more than we will ever be able to comprehend in this life.
Briefly tying this sort-of-tangent back into gay marriage, I think it's crucial to understand the specific roles we've been given as either a son or a daughter of God, so we can understand the importance and perfect plan of God of having a man and woman, with their natural differences, marry and rear up a family. It is these differences we see naturally come about in men and women that make the world go round... honestly. It is the differences in the way we think and see the world that allow each of us to grow off of the other, and to see the world in new light and perspectives so we can better ourselves. The solid fact is: men and women think different! They just do. It's in the chemical make up of their brains. This difference is what allows each of us to find true happiness in family life, those differences that when we work together to grow closer to one another and solve them, we are able to be happy. Truly happy, even joyful.
Saturday, October 10, 2015
Celebrating 20 Years of "The Family: A Proclamation to the World"
Here is a video I found from LDSLiving.com. It was created by an LDS family, and I absolutely love it!
I think it adds a lot onto my last post about the Decline of the Family, by showing the important and sacred responsibility we have been given by God to care for and raise up families in righteousness. I hope you enjoy it! :)
Decline of the Family
Fun fact: did you know that almost all of the research we see done on the family, is stemming from the United States? That's right... that country I (and possibly most of you) live in?
Scary fact: did you know that those trends published from the studies done, show an increase in pre-marital sex, couples participating in cohabitation... and many more factors discussed later... and a decrease in the stability of a traditional family?
Now, when I say traditional on this website, I'm referring to a family made up of a mother and a father... wife and husband... bound together by law, raising their family. No family is ever perfect, that I completely understand.
Because I attend a school under the direction of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, AKA mormons, I am also taught many factors that I do strongly believe go into this traditional family.
In class this past week, we read and studied The Family Proclamation . In a section of this Proclamation given to us through revelation by God, it states this:
"THE FAMILY is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. "
With that being said, let's take a brief moment to look at the statistics and trends of marital and family relationships that are seen today. These were discussed in class, and I took brief notes on what was being taught. Trends are as follows:
Pre-marital sex: increase
Delay of Marriage: increase (as compare to history)
Average age of marrying today: women- 26, men- 28; within LDS culture: women-24, men-26
Living Alone: increase
Children out of wedlock: increase
Percentage of Mothers Employed: increase (understandably with today's economy)
Cohabitation: increase
Birth Rates: decrease
Average Household Size: decrease
Now, my goal of this blog post is not seem so pessimistic. However, facts are facts. The point I'm trying to get across with all of this information we've studied, is that the decline of the family is real. It is happening and we can't avoid it. Society and government is trying to shape something that should not be shaped by anyone but ourselves and God- working together to create a stable family under his guidance. As stated in the proclamation: "The Family is ordained of God." It is a divine institution that I believe can shape the quality of our lives. The way in which we live is determined by our intermediate circle of friends, acquaintances, and family around us.
It is not a subject that should by ANY means be taken lightly. It is our responsibility to protect the divine institution of the family, because if the family crumbles, society will undoubtedly crumble thereafter. Your choices in your family don't just affect you and those within that bond-- it affects society all around us and the choices that we allow our elected leaders to make.
There is hope! We must realize the potential we each have to create a stable home to live in. God has given us each this divine responsibility, and many opportunities and blessings lie in each of our homes! Opportunities to teach and learn. When we realize this, I believe it's then that we're able to realize the full potential and responsibilities we have as mothers and fathers, husbands and wives, and children. We can succeed in a world of falling morals, and our homes can be a place of safety in this world. However, it's up to us to determine the quality and value of our family, and thus not allow society to shape that view.
Scary fact: did you know that those trends published from the studies done, show an increase in pre-marital sex, couples participating in cohabitation... and many more factors discussed later... and a decrease in the stability of a traditional family?
Now, when I say traditional on this website, I'm referring to a family made up of a mother and a father... wife and husband... bound together by law, raising their family. No family is ever perfect, that I completely understand.
Because I attend a school under the direction of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, AKA mormons, I am also taught many factors that I do strongly believe go into this traditional family.
In class this past week, we read and studied The Family Proclamation . In a section of this Proclamation given to us through revelation by God, it states this:
"THE FAMILY is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. "
With that being said, let's take a brief moment to look at the statistics and trends of marital and family relationships that are seen today. These were discussed in class, and I took brief notes on what was being taught. Trends are as follows:
Pre-marital sex: increase
Delay of Marriage: increase (as compare to history)
Average age of marrying today: women- 26, men- 28; within LDS culture: women-24, men-26
Living Alone: increase
Children out of wedlock: increase
Percentage of Mothers Employed: increase (understandably with today's economy)
Cohabitation: increase
Birth Rates: decrease
Average Household Size: decrease
Now, my goal of this blog post is not seem so pessimistic. However, facts are facts. The point I'm trying to get across with all of this information we've studied, is that the decline of the family is real. It is happening and we can't avoid it. Society and government is trying to shape something that should not be shaped by anyone but ourselves and God- working together to create a stable family under his guidance. As stated in the proclamation: "The Family is ordained of God." It is a divine institution that I believe can shape the quality of our lives. The way in which we live is determined by our intermediate circle of friends, acquaintances, and family around us.
It is not a subject that should by ANY means be taken lightly. It is our responsibility to protect the divine institution of the family, because if the family crumbles, society will undoubtedly crumble thereafter. Your choices in your family don't just affect you and those within that bond-- it affects society all around us and the choices that we allow our elected leaders to make.
There is hope! We must realize the potential we each have to create a stable home to live in. God has given us each this divine responsibility, and many opportunities and blessings lie in each of our homes! Opportunities to teach and learn. When we realize this, I believe it's then that we're able to realize the full potential and responsibilities we have as mothers and fathers, husbands and wives, and children. We can succeed in a world of falling morals, and our homes can be a place of safety in this world. However, it's up to us to determine the quality and value of our family, and thus not allow society to shape that view.
Thursday, September 24, 2015
Peer Blogs to Follow
nonoblework.wordpress.com
ethansfamily2015.wordpress.com
theboatyblog.blogspot.com
thoughtsofachilddevelopmentmajor.blogspot.com
devreeslife.blogspot.com
rebeccarosecarter.blogspot.com
ashley12judy.blogspot.com
loooveathome.wordpress.com
keytoeternalhappiness.wordpress.com
fromthehearttohome.blogspot.com
familylearnin.blogspot.com
ytszkiu.blogspot.com
mmariaht.blogspot.com
raquelvillafuerte.wordpress.com
mccallsreasons.blogspot.com
happinessthroughfamilies.blogspot.com
cayleybarton.blogspot.com
melissalovesfamily.blogspot.com
karenxlozano.blogspot.com
laceyturpin.wordpress.com
mirandamortensen.blogspot.com
familyistheanchor.blogspot.com
ktbzn.wordpress.com
kahangturangpamilya.blogspot.com
kiamd.blogspot.com
theohanastudies.blogspot.com
momentscreatememories.blogspots.com
lifestooshorttomatchyoursocks.wordpress.com
3N513.weebly.com
kelloggkaylee.blogspot.com
jordannewalker.wordpress.com
marsbrasga.blogspot.com
familymatters.blogspot.com
whatgodhathjoinedtogether.blogspot.com
sydneypiper.wordpress.com
sammie19blog.weebly.com
cmblakely.blogspot.com
marissalanaeparks.blogspot.com
soglaohana.blogspot.com
ravenhands.wordpress.com
nathanblumenberg.blogspot.com
insighttothefamily.blogspot.com
elephantsfavoritefood.blogspot.com
trentwinn.blogspot.com
ethansfamily2015.wordpress.com
theboatyblog.blogspot.com
thoughtsofachilddevelopmentmajor.blogspot.com
devreeslife.blogspot.com
rebeccarosecarter.blogspot.com
ashley12judy.blogspot.com
loooveathome.wordpress.com
keytoeternalhappiness.wordpress.com
fromthehearttohome.blogspot.com
familylearnin.blogspot.com
ytszkiu.blogspot.com
mmariaht.blogspot.com
raquelvillafuerte.wordpress.com
mccallsreasons.blogspot.com
happinessthroughfamilies.blogspot.com
cayleybarton.blogspot.com
melissalovesfamily.blogspot.com
karenxlozano.blogspot.com
laceyturpin.wordpress.com
mirandamortensen.blogspot.com
familyistheanchor.blogspot.com
ktbzn.wordpress.com
kahangturangpamilya.blogspot.com
kiamd.blogspot.com
theohanastudies.blogspot.com
momentscreatememories.blogspots.com
lifestooshorttomatchyoursocks.wordpress.com
3N513.weebly.com
kelloggkaylee.blogspot.com
jordannewalker.wordpress.com
marsbrasga.blogspot.com
familymatters.blogspot.com
whatgodhathjoinedtogether.blogspot.com
sydneypiper.wordpress.com
sammie19blog.weebly.com
cmblakely.blogspot.com
marissalanaeparks.blogspot.com
soglaohana.blogspot.com
ravenhands.wordpress.com
nathanblumenberg.blogspot.com
insighttothefamily.blogspot.com
elephantsfavoritefood.blogspot.com
trentwinn.blogspot.com
Saturday, September 19, 2015
Introduction
Hi!
I am Katelyn Schnepf, a sophomore studying at Brigham Young University- Idaho. I don't ever know exactly what to put on these types of things... but hopefully this is an acceptable blogger intro. I've never blogged before- so this is a bit new. However, I could not be more excited. I made this blog as an assignment for my Family Relations class, but don't get me wrong... I am also looking forward to it very much! I love the demographics behind the Family. I love looking at everyone's different views and hearing various stories on people's experiences with their families. It amazes me to take a step back, analyze the family structure, and learn all of the different dynamics that go into making a family, well, a family.
I will be posting weekly blog updates relating to personal experiences, as well as things we have been learning about in my Family Relations course. I'd love for everyone to subscribe & comment on these posts. We could get a pretty sweet discussion going, if ya know what I mean!
Thank you all!
-Katelyn
I am Katelyn Schnepf, a sophomore studying at Brigham Young University- Idaho. I don't ever know exactly what to put on these types of things... but hopefully this is an acceptable blogger intro. I've never blogged before- so this is a bit new. However, I could not be more excited. I made this blog as an assignment for my Family Relations class, but don't get me wrong... I am also looking forward to it very much! I love the demographics behind the Family. I love looking at everyone's different views and hearing various stories on people's experiences with their families. It amazes me to take a step back, analyze the family structure, and learn all of the different dynamics that go into making a family, well, a family.
I will be posting weekly blog updates relating to personal experiences, as well as things we have been learning about in my Family Relations course. I'd love for everyone to subscribe & comment on these posts. We could get a pretty sweet discussion going, if ya know what I mean!
Thank you all!
-Katelyn
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